Tag Archives: Sorry

My Fucking Words

In all honesty, my heart is kinda broken tonight. I can’t even write. I want to tear up every word that spills from my fingers. Oh hell, I even hate my words tonight. I want to shred them, make THEM bleed for ME. Crush them, stomp them, punch them, kill every last fucking one. I want to slit the throats of my words tonight. Because they all betray me and leave me so bare, all my hurt showing. And I just want to bury that inside.

But my goddamn words won’t let me, angry little shits that they are. All they want to do is tell on me. That I’m in pain, that I’m angry. That I’m bitter and worthless and stupid and just fucking unlovable. That I hate and crave. That I want to die and live and fly and fall and lay beside you and just be… That my heart is jealous of what I’ll never have. Fuck, I’d cut off my fingers if that would make them stop!

I shouldn’t post this. I know I sound crazy. Well, fuck it. I am.

I know I’ll recover. A little more wary, a little more weary. And probably with all fingers intact. Maybe. But tonight, yes, I do want to scream, and sob, and dig my nails into anything and everything. I want to punch and stab and … Who am I kidding… I’ll get drunk and play video games, crying, till I fall asleep. That seems to be my fallback position.

I’ll try to drown out my words tonight. Tonight, they hate me, and I hate them back.

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Desolation And Ruin

Plaster dust
shades of rust
timbers fallen down.
This is what I offer you.
No wonder that you frown.

I can’t give you gold or silver.
I truly own nothing of worth.
Even my love is broken.
Crumbled into the earth.

I’d offer you a desolate land
Where new life rarely springs forth
I’d offer you, whatever I have
But it won’t be enough, of course.

So away I go
Withdrawing hope
Welcoming the ache
I won’t ask
You to pay
For this painful mistake.

I won’t ask anything
For I have nothing to give.


Walk Away Broken Girl

Please hear
What I want to say, and fear
Please see
What I hide inside of me
Please touch
What hurts me so damn much
Please taste
What is running down my face
Please smell
What I do –
Fire, Brimstone, Hell.

I wish I could take you
Deep inside my mind
Point out all the cracks and flaws
The scars I cannot leave behind

I can’t say that I’m sorry
I’m sorry, but I can’t
I must think of myself now
My own freedom I grant

I wish you could have known me
I so wanted to know you
But I know I’m too broken
You can’t bear that too.

So I’ll pack the pieces I’ve let break
It’s a lonely road I must take
For love right now just can’t be.
I’m too much for you, you’re too much for me.


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