Tag Archives: Loss

Give up

[audio https://audioboo.fm/boos/2173760-give-up.mp3]

 

I give up

Why should I try

Any longer

Constantly

I’ve been weighed

Measured

Found wanting

Worthless

Worth less

Than a word

An effort

My mistakes

Are too fucking great

To ever forgive

Apparently

 

I am flawed

And faulted

I am needed

And wanted

But at the end of the day

Fuck me

I’m thrown away

For mistakes

That could not

Be forgiven

All that I

Have given of myself

Is not enough

To love

 

I can’t keep trying

I won’t

It hurts

To be left

So broken

By yet another

Who has spoken

All those words

Of love and support

That I needed to hear

Someone whose heart

I held so dear

Who finds it so easy

To just

walk

away

 

Through all

That we’ve been through

Trials

Fucking tribulations

And I was always there

I always showed

I care

But yet again

I’m just a whore

Just more trash

Worth nothing more

Than a hurtful

Hateful

Parting word

 

Why do I try

Why do I care..

 

Throw your words at me

My dearest friend

Let me know

How far

You’d go to end

All that we have built

Then let your silence

Fucking silt

My soul

I have nothing more

I have nothing more

I have nothing more

Than all that I have given

All that I have meant

 

That turns out to be

Too fucking little

Once again

 

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Highs and Lows – #SonnetSunday

[audio https://audioboo.fm/boos/2173683-highs-and-lows.mp3]

 

So easy to get caught up in something

That resembles happiness for a time.

The exchange of emotions and true minds,

Of love unchecked, no regret ensnaring.

 

Yet never far is the abject torment

The loss and longing, the fear of being-

Rejected, dismissed, a soul left unseen,

To drown in despair long left to ferment.

 

These ever present highs and lows, although

Seen from the outside may look a mite mad.

To a tender heart are lessons best had.

For grace and sorrow both help us to grow.

 

In the depths as at the heights we keep on,

Learning where our hearts do truly belong.

 


Little Boat – #TercetThursday

[audio https://audioboo.fm/boos/2164866-little-boat.mp3]

 

Little boat caught in a whitecap of sea,

Swept from safety of harbor, hearth and home,

Cast out to the tempest, to drown in foam.

 

Violent the tides that crash down on thee.

Harsh the winds that so cruely tear your sails.

Little boat, no peace for you; storms prevail.

 

Each moment spent lost an eternity —

Each crest and crush and influx, a deluge,

Which tosses you further from sound refuge.

 

Bitter the waves that cast thou far from me,

As on my lonely shore I stand vigil.

My nightly observance, my ritual.

 

For you, little boat, crucial cargo bear:

My heart, my soul, my every prayer.

Return him to me, to my loving care…


Just Embers

[audio https://audioboo.fm/boos/2134373-just-embers.mp3]

 

I so want to be angry

I have written

And deleted

So much that my heart

Bitter and wicked

Wanted to say

But I can’t

I can’t

I never can

Be angry

At a heart that only

Spoke the truth

 

Though I loved

And how I loved

This bitter sweet

Reverie

Does no good

To you or me

What was

And can never be

Should maybe remain

In our logs and history

 

While my heart

Still cries

And dies for yours

For a touch

A word

A scintillating untoward

Turn of phrase

Before my eyes

I understand

I do

Neither will chase

Neither will win

Both will lose

 

And while I

Still love and hate

To see your face

Running through my mind

Each night

I so hold close

Your thoughts

Your soul

And always remember

That once you were

The epic conflagration

And my every

Invocation

Of love and lust

And all good things

That turn to dust

 

Beast, monster, devil

I always wish you well

And your precious soul

Will travel

In my mind

In my heart

Till death himself

Stamps out my my embers

For in my flame

I will always remember

Yours

 


The End – An Elegy

[audio https://audioboo.fm/boos/2121030-the-end.mp3]

 

For a time, for a moment, you were all

You were my smile, and my ache, and my fall

We were once a promise, now we decay

It hurts my soul to say goodbye each day

 

The most bitter pill I’ve had to swallow

Knowing, after my heart, you’d not follow

That your love was ever only so deep

And yet somehow it continues to seep

 

In you I found such release, such glory

I’d had hopes we’d continue our story

That your exquisite fury you’d unleash

On every delicate part of me

 

Oh, your hands, your lips, your razor sharp teeth

How I longed to be taught and caught beneath

That face, that smile, how I would surrender

And let that gaze burn me to sweet ember

 

Burn we did, alas too quickly to last

Your perfect storm was ever meant to pass

And my harbor was never to be home

You, love, were the wind, always meant to roam

 

My heart must let go, to set you now free

As you once said, you were not meant for me

Though I love you, I leave you, though it’s sad

We could have been the best we’d ever had

 


Fated Night – A Sonnet

Musical accompaniment by @JoseLMendeV   Many thanks to him.

 

Her eyes draw to the window once again

Hoping her love will soon return, longing

Her heart aches, feeling pulled from her, to him

A chasm in the midst of her, forming

 

Rain begins to fall, the wind comes howling

Beating at her windows, rude intruder

Her hand to her heart falls, trembling, fearing

Her mind sprints away, all peace eludes her

 

Her heart skips, in a pained languid stupor

A ringing shatters the waiting silence

On the line, the voice of a state trooper

Speaks softly thus – her love, lost, to violence

 

Thunder rolls, rains pours, tears slowly roll, fall

Her love, her life, this night she’s lost it all

 

 

yes, line 12 is 11 syllables. fuck it. send.


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