Monthly Archives: April 2014

Not Fit

Someone somewhere

Something had the key

Somehow

They unleashed me

Upon myself

Pacing caged

My mind enraged

Heart racing

Thoughts chasing

Panic erasing

What little remained

The physical

Agonizing

Realization

I’ve been caught

By my own claws

 

Something’s rotting

Away inside me

My own divinity

Is cock blocking me

I’m spent

I relent

I can no longer stay

I’m pent up

I’ve been here

Far too long already

 

The words I sought

The cure to my own

But what was wrought

But more senseless pain

Nothing ventured

Let’s lay blame

On each others shoulders

Laurels to the winner

And loser both

Wreaths of thorns

That snareΒ and shed

Red blood of their own

 

This chaos

This pandemonium

Heart racing

Thoughts chasing

Soul crushing

Just leave me alone

I am not fit

For human consumption

I lack the wit

The drive

I’m too hurt inside

Don’t hold me unless

You intend to crush me

To destroy everything

That’s come before

 

Lining up words in my head

Standing with a shotgun

Filled with dread

Taking aim at every word

That I have ever spoken

Wishing I could

Blow each away

Wishing to take back

Every god damned word

Lay them in a grave

Forsaken

 

Heart racing

Thoughts chasing

I’ve been here

Far too long already

Don’t touch me

Your tenderness

Hurts too much

Just leave me here

To slowly bleed

Get thee

Behind me

Again


Do You Know?

Where does it go

Do you know

Do you

Go with the flow

Our hands

A promise

Never held

Never meant

Where did we go

As the Spring

Drew nearer

The shimmer

of warmth

Passing through

The aether

That was us

From whence we came

To whence

We go

Do you know

Do you know

Where it went

Where we go

From here

 


Always

[audioΒ https://audioboo.fm/boos/2103402-always.mp3]

 

My heart I tore for you

As before I never did

Though you might think

My actions few

You’ll never know

What I did for you

 

Your heart

Your soul

Your mind

Called out to mine

I answered

Enthralled

That you might

Take me all

 

Your heart

Ever closed to me

Your actions

Surprisingly

Led my heart

To believe

I was nothing

But nothing

To you

 

I backed away

In the hopes

That you

Might follow

That my fellow

Combatant

Would seek

Me out

Might sway

 

Yet

You left me

In silence

Your interest

Had waned

Inconstant was

Your devotion

And I was left

In remiss

In penitence

 

Away I walk

Dejectedly

You found

No worth

In me

Though you

Will live

In my heart

A constant reminder

Of all I’d sought

I must

Leave you

Behind

 

You

I loved

And always will

Your secret soul

I’ll treasure

Forever

And perhaps

Someday

You’ll seek me out

Though I may have left

You will never be far

I will always

Always

Always

Hold you in my heart


The Tavern – Willa Cather

A poem by Willa Cather

The Tavern

In the tavern of my heart

Many a one has sat before,

Drunk red wine and sung a stave,

And, departing, come no more.

When the night was cold without,

And the ravens croaked of storm,

They have sat them at my hearth,

Telling me my house was warm.

As the lute and cup went round,

They have rhymed me well in lay;–

When the hunt was on at morn,

Each, departing, went his way.

On the walls, in compliment,

Some would scrawl a verse or two,

Some have hung a willow branch,

Or a wreath of corn-flowers blue.

Ah! my friend, when thou dost go,

Leave no wreath of flowers for me;

Not pale daffodils nor rue,

Violets nor rosemary.

Spill the wine upon the lamps,

Tread the fire, and bar the door;

So despoil the wretched place,

None will come forevermore.


W.H. Auden, Twelve Songs, Song VII

Poem by W. H. Auden

Twelve Songs

Song

VII.

Underneath an abject willow,

Lover, sulk no more:

Act from thought should quickly follow.

What is thinking for?

Your unique and moping station

Proves you cold;

Stand up and fold

Your map of desolation.

Bells that toll across the meadows

From the sombre spire

Toll for these unloving shadows

Love does not require.

All that lives may love; why longer

Bow to loss

With arms across?

Strike and you shall conquer.

Geese in flocks above you flying.

Their direction know,

Icy brooks beneath you flowing,

To their ocean go.

Dark and dull is your distraction:

Walk then, come,

No longer numb

Into your satisfaction.

March 1936


Abnegation

This feeling of
Frustration
This self-smothering need
For abnegation
My thoughts
Feelings
Words
Not good enough
To be heard
Biting back
The bitterness
I should never
Have shed
Bare before your eyes
Torn within
My head
Regret
Contempt
You left me
For dead
Never a look back
Never a passing thought
My fear your wrought
Into new dimensions
Contemplations
Of complications
Never given
Consideration
Never given much
The time
The verse
The hearse
You arranged
To carry me on
While you wept
Shallow tears
On the grave
Of us
Memories
Mean to to fade
Echo on
Penetrating us
Till it’s only their voice
We crave
Anymore
They’ve devoured
Us whole

Written and recorded in a fit of emotion. Sorry if it doesn’t make much sense. I couldn’t finish this one…


Damocles

The sorrow I feel
The shame I hide
The inadequacies
I drown in inside
My tendency
To shy away
How I struggle
To take breath
Somedays
How my heart
Races in fear
From its own self
And the shadows
That lear
When my body
Trembles and aches
From tension
Of holding myself
In apprehension
The danger that looms
A Damocles sword
Ever present
Waiting to demolish
Rationality
Leaving me with
Barest sanity
When days spent
In need of night
Of a quiet to bury
My anguish in
No one to look upon me
When misery
Will not relent
Just the stars
The cloud wrapped moon
The memories
And the soft tears
That flow down my chin
Alone again
Broken heart
Shattered mind
No will to go on
No choice to let go
Left to blindly
Fall apart
And overflow


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