Journal…

I don’t have much to say tonight. Maybe I will later. Words keep popping up, so, who knows. I’ve locked up Twitter and WP. There are those who I don’t want to read my words anymore. Yes, it’s about a breakup. A breaking. And needing to regain a safe place. I don’t want someone looking over my shoulder, interpreting what they will. I don’t want or need the pressure of keeping my words at bay. I just want to be fucking free to say whatever comes to mind. And right now, it is a chaotic mind. And a hurt fucking heart. And I need to start treating myself better. Not letting whomever tread upon me. Words are just words sometimes. Just fucking hollow. And I’ll not give mine to one who’s affections are so goddamn shallow. Not when mine mean so much.

So yeah. I’m trying to let myself free. By, ironically, binding myself. And letting him be all that he wants to be without me.  Cuz it’s fine really. I love and hate him. But more love than anything. I just don’t want him to see me, and I definitely don’t want to see him. Maybe ever again. Right now, I don’t know. Right now it’s too painful and I just want to be and write. Without his dark light looming over me.

Cuz it really fucking hurts, to see him there. Everywhere. And to have him here, still a part of my heart. And so very far. Where he chose to be. Not with me.

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