Passionate Indevotion

Each bitter word

I long to say

The memories

I wish would not stay

My bond with you

Was too deep

Your bond with me

Was unspeakably

Shallow

 

I find your words

Like crumbs left

To follow

I mustn’t

I daren’t

Your words

Leave me hollow

Each drenched

In poison of their own

Sweet, succinct

They drip

From your fingers

 

Blame me

Blame you

What does it matter

We’re through

You left me

High and dry

When all I wanted

To do

Was die and drown

In you

 

I was weak

I admit

But was it really

Too much

For a measure

Of kindness

In exchange for lust

I can live

On so little

But you fed me dust

 

I choked

And revoked you

I’m trying

So goddamn hard

To banish you

From this weak heart

But you keep popping up

In too many

Too many

Too many

Hurtful thoughts

 

How dare you

Be angry

With me

You took your chances

The same as me

Can you blame me

Do you

Truly?

When all I did

Was attempt

To save me

From you

 

I laid my heart

At the mausoleum

Of yours

You wouldn’t

Even

Open the door

How long

Did you expect

Me to sit there

Bleeding

Knowing

You

Were inside

Enchanted

Reading

 

Other words

Who you valued

More than mine

More than me

More than everything

I fucking tried

To let you see

You claimed to care

But you

Put the lie to your words

You walked away

Before I did

You sheathed your sword

So don’t wonder

Why

I’m no longer there

I still care

I still love

But you

You made it too hard

To stay

 

Your abject dissolution

Your passionate

Indevotion

Were all the signs

I needed to see

You were done with me

Long before

I walked away

Don’t try to say

It wasn’t that way

 

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