Tonight Sucks

New Years Eve is one of my least favorite holidays.  Hell, what am I saying.  I pretty much hate them all.


For some reason, I’m feeling especially alone tonight.  Maybe it’s the time zones?  My closest friends celebrated an hour earlier than me, so when midnight rolled around, my time, I just took a swig of my ice cold Natty Ice and continued putting my stupid puzzle together.  No well wishers for me.  Even my brother was asleep.


I don’t think I’ve ever gotten one of those romantic New Years Eve kisses.  I’ve had a dozen boyfriends, a couple of them serious, but for whatever reason, no.  It seems silly to long for that.  That one moment, in an entire year.  Silly, that it really bums me out every year.  Oh, wait, there was Aki.  That was… 10 years ago now, I think.  Yeah.  By the time New Years came along, I was eagerly anticipating him leaving.  =/


I’m being stupid.  Just feeling lonely and low.  I want to send Lonnie a New Years message, but I promised myself I wouldn’t contact him.  I wonder how he’s doing.  I remember our first kiss.  It was…  Damn, it was good, and fun, and awesome.  No lies, I miss him.  Stupid crazy miss him.  But I can’t go there.  No good.


So here I sit, the beginning of a new year, and I’m feeling sorry for myself.  No guy to kiss, no friends to celebrate with.  Wtf is worth celebrating anyway?  What, we survived another 365 days?  Yay, it’s day 1 again?  That’s really a “clean start”?  It’s really just another day.  Night falls, and in the morning the sun will rise.  What’s so fucking special about that…


I’m sorry.  I’m being bitter.  I’m wallowing…  It’s really been a miserable past couple of weeks, and tonight…  Tonight just sucks.

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