Lonely Secrets

I keep secrets, and it makes me feel disconnected, isolated.


I keep my brother’s secrets from my mom.  And I keep my mom’s secrets from my brother.  I keep secrets about my extended family from the both of them.  I keep my brother’s and mom’s secrets from the family (though I don’t talk to any of them at all anymore…).  And, of course, I keep my own secrets.


This sucks.  This really sucks.  Sometimes I’ll tell my brother something about my mom, and she’ll get really pissed at me…  She “doesn’t get” why I want to talk with my brother, share things with him.  And there are things my brother has told me that I can’t share with my mom at all


There’s a few things about my extended family that if I told my mom, she’d be so mad and hurt…


There are things that I’ve gone through that I can’t talk with either of them about..


Keeping all of these secrets sometimes, often, makes me feel so isolated from my family, especially my mom and my brother.  I love them, and in many ways, I’m so close to them both.  But there are so many things I can’t talk to either of them about.  It’s frustrating, and it’s hurtful…  And I feel like there’s nothing I can do about it.  =/


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