I keep secrets, and it makes me feel disconnected, isolated.
I keep my brother’s secrets from my mom. And I keep my mom’s secrets from my brother. I keep secrets about my extended family from the both of them. I keep my brother’s and mom’s secrets from the family (though I don’t talk to any of them at all anymore…). And, of course, I keep my own secrets.
This sucks. This really sucks. Sometimes I’ll tell my brother something about my mom, and she’ll get really pissed at me… She “doesn’t get” why I want to talk with my brother, share things with him. And there are things my brother has told me that I can’t share with my mom at all
There’s a few things about my extended family that if I told my mom, she’d be so mad and hurt…
There are things that I’ve gone through that I can’t talk with either of them about..
Keeping all of these secrets sometimes, often, makes me feel so isolated from my family, especially my mom and my brother. I love them, and in many ways, I’m so close to them both. But there are so many things I can’t talk to either of them about. It’s frustrating, and it’s hurtful… And I feel like there’s nothing I can do about it. =/