Unforgivable

Sara wrote a thread about forgiveness.  I thought, since I’m trying to open up, I’d elaborate on my post.  The one person I really can’t forgive is my dad’s mother.  I don’t want to call her my grandmother, because my mom’s mom was my grandmother.  And the term, to me, is meant to describe a person I love.  I loved my mom’s mom, my grandmother.

 

I hate my dad’s mother.  And her husband, and her daughters.  That woman was never kind to any of us, least of all her own son.  She got herself knocked up, and was forced to marry, and blamed my dad for the resultant relationship.  She was a cold bitch.  My dad ran as far as he could when he was able, joining the Marines as soon as he could.  His drinking problem – which, through AA, he’d pretty much conquered by the time he met my mom – I blame entirely on that witch, and her family.

 

One of his sisters, who I’d had rare contact with growing up, made a particularly rude comment to my mother about the food on their wedding day.  “I don’t like anything Mexican.”  – My mom is Mexican, and MY family had catered the event, as they did every wedding in our family.

 

My dad’s mother once commented to my brother – something I witnessed and can’t forget – that my male cousin was her “favorite grandson.”

 

She wrote to my brother years later, letters that he wouldn’t let me see, wouldn’t tell me much about, except for a few horrid things about how as her son’s son…  Well, it was cruel and hurtful.

 

My dad died when I was 12.  He was in the hospital for 4 months.  She was the only one from his family who visited.  And she visited once.  Thankfully, he was unconscious.  She didn’t even touch him, or talk to him.

 

His father was a weak man, cowed by a horrid bitch of a woman.  To an extent, I forgive him, for being such a fucking pussy.  But that woman, that god-awful cunt of a woman, and her bitch-ass horrid fucking daughters..  I’ll never forgive.  If there’s a God, it’s his job to forgive, not mine.  I could never, would never, forgive someone who hurt my dad so much, and left such scars on his family.

 

I hate that bitch.  From the depths of my being, I fucking hate that bitch.  And her daughters.  There aren’t words to describe how much I fucking hate them.

 

I’ve tried to forgive.  I’ve tried putting myself in their shoes.  But there’s just no fucking way.  There’s no fucking excuse.

 

That was her SON.  And she broke his heart.  She failed him, time and time and time and time again.

 

How can I forgive that?  … I won’t.  Ever.

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